Saturday, October 2, 2010


Right now, my baby is sitting on her daddy's lap, making fists in front of her face and refusing to sleep. (With a ton of droll down her face, Lord I hope she is not getting a tooth.) I am not going to fight her. Think what you might, if you had a week like mine, you may not bother either. She slept in bed with us more than she should have, and napped with me in bed or on the couch more than she should have, too. Well, I guess more than what the books say. But, it is really okay.

But this week, we have had the most awful thing happen to our family, and I have no words.

I am broken. I am a mess. I am tearful. There is a lump in my throat that won't go away. It truly is inexplainable what I feel.

My cousin's sweet baby boy went to be with Jesus so unexpectedly this week. There is no comfort, just loss right now.

This bond that we have shared through our children will always be there, but what words are there to say? None. We were pregnant together. I had the girl, she got the boy. And so perfect they each were, so beautifully perfectly wonderful.

The prayers I pray seem wordless. My head spins as I break for my cousin and her family. The prayers I pray for their healing, peace and God's grace to cover them, fill my day. It is obsessive, the only thing I know I can control. That and baking, I bake when I am upset, so there have been a lot of cookies and brownies in my house since Thursday. Last night I sat in bed with nothing- no words, no tears, blank. Today, I put on the face. I'm not in shock any more, just numb. Numb for them.

Pray a prayer for them if you will.

"I can’t imagine heaven’s lullabies
and what they must sound like
But I will rest in knowing, heaven is your home." -Glory Baby

I wish I could have held you little Hudson, we love you.

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